June 8, 2007

Here's a Broncos article in the offseason leading up to the season that gave us an undefeated Patriots regular season, and a 7-9 Broncos squad.

6-8-07

If you read the Denver sports pages, maybe you’ve noticed the smell of the burning rubber left by the Broncos bandwagon on its way to Phoenix for the Super Bowl. ESPN Zone on the 16’th St. mall in Denver has probably already preordered 15,000 buffalo wings and 50 cases of Korbel. Denver Mayor Hickenlooper has been making small edits to his congrats speech for after the Broncos parade. What? In a recent article by the Denver Post’s sports columnist, Mark Kiszla, Kiszla made a few nonchalant references to the impending Broncos Super Bowl run. They are casual references, that to me, sound that the playoffs are such a sure thing, we might as well bet the rent check on Cutler as XLII MVP. This is all before Marcus Thomas gets arrested by week six for DUI and possession of the Gator green sticky stuff.
Has every sports writer forgotten that this is the same team that absolutely phoned it in for last season’s San Francisco game on week 17, which eliminated us from the playoffs? Or has Kiszla perhaps not heard about how the Patriots up and decided that it was time to absolutely annihilate everyone in 2007? For those keeping score, before this off-season, Tom Brady’s best all-time receiver was Deion Branch. Now the most accomplished current QB in the NFL will be throwing to Wes Welker, Chad Jackson, Donte Stallworth, and Randy Moss. Now, is anyone seriously thinking Jay Cutler, Javon Walker, and Travis Henry can go punch for punch with those guys? Granted, Randy might get all hammered on Boston Lager one night and try to pick a fight with a bouncer at a strip club. Really though, I don’t see Randy throwing away the best opportunity since his rookie year to get the only ring a man is allowed to wear besides a wedding band.
Sorry if I’m not down at Dove Valley every other day, drinking the Kool-Aid. Guys like Kiszla and Woody Paige (who I still love) have been around the donkeys for so long, they’ve heard all the locker room jokes a hundred times, grabbed all the free shwag and put their butts in the best (free) seats at Mile High. They are used to the sound of the locker room after a big comeback win against jerkoff teams like the Chiefs or the Colts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fair weather fan, I own a Javon Walker knock-off jersey because that’s what I can afford. But that’s the thing. I could have bought a Jay Cutler jersey which I thought I wanted until the last second. I didn’t buy the Cutler jersey because I didn’t want to get stuck with the equivalent of a Brian Griese jersey. How would I feel if Patrick Ramsey was named the 2008 starter? What if Cutler winds up as the 2007 version of the San Diego Charger whose name I dare not say? It rhymes with Ryan Meaf. Just writing those last few sentences makes me queasy.
Unfortunately, what most of Bronco Nation seems to want to hear, is that Cutler is the next Elway. I know, I know, that’s such an overused observation but Kiszla feeds his readers that sort of b.s. Elway was the white version of 1980’s Michael Jordan. He was killing himself to win because he knew he was better than the rest. He just had to wait for the planets to align before the rings came. Sorry, but there’s not going to be another Elway. Cutler will not leap into a helicopter-spin dive in a Super Bowl. I watched Cutler win only two of the five games he started last year. I’m not ready to get into bidding wars for Jay Cutler memorabilia on eBay. Let Kiszla write about stale Hershey’s Kisses while telling us it’s Wonka Bars. Maybe he can pass them out on the Broncos bandwagon, Delusion Express. On my calendar, it says June. I’ll wait till they win a few.